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Q:
My son Patrick is in grade 6. Up until this school year, he’s
had good grades. Now he’s barely passing his subjects,
particularly math. I’m a working mom, and the only time I get to
help him with schoolwork is when I get back from the office in
the evening. By this time, he’s already tired and “not in the
mood.” I have to force him to study with me. Because I too am
tired from a long day at the office, we both get cranky. We
frequently end up arguing.
Will getting him a tutor help? I’m afraid he might think he has
a problem if I get him one. But then, I really want to help him
pull his grades up. Sometimes, I also feel guilty that I can’t
teach him myself, that I may be too busy for my child.
A: Gone are the
days when tutorials were thought of as only for problematic
students. I am sure some of your son’s classmates have tutors
themselves. With the stiffening competition in school, brought
about by larger class sizes and advanced subject matter,
tutorials have become quite a necessity. Even honor students
enroll in tutorial centers, because they want to be on top of
the class. Civic organizations are now pooling volunteers to
tutor underprivileged students, indicating that more and more
people are recognizing the value of after-school instruction.
A few years back, a group of American researchers studied the
effect of after-school programs on the academic performance of
students. They learned that the effectiveness of a tutorial
program would depend on the use of appropriate strategies for
the desired outcome. For instance, “instructional tutoring” is
most effective for students who need to improve their literacy
skills and content knowledge. “Assignment-assistance tutoring”
is best for those who need help completing homework and meeting
deadlines.
I suggest you inquire about the programs of the tutorial centers
near your son’s school or near your home. There are a few
offering individualized tutorial sessions, while others have
group sessions. Try to find out which program would be best
suited for your son’s academic needs. Look for a center that
specifically matches its students with tutors. Some children
work well with warm or “sweet” tutors; others need stricter
tutors who are firmer when it comes to rules and study
schedules. Ask about the qualifications of the tutors, rates,
and other information you feel you need to know.
Very importantly, talk with your son. Try to make him see the
advantages of having a tutor. Explain to him that having a tutor
is not extra work—it’s having someone to assist him so that he
can do his schoolwork faster and better. Ask him what kind of
tutor he would like you to get for him and how often each week
he would like to study with a tutor. Make him feel that he has a
say. Remind him that you are only thinking of him and what’s
best for him.
My nine-year-old twin boys have had tutors since they started
walking. I’d say they’re doing very well in school. They have
even developed a lot of other interests, like swimming,
badminton, cycling, and chess. I make it a point to get tutors
who are also young, so that the twins can relate with them
easily. Most of them are college students. From them my twins
learn new study techniques, things that I myself would not know
how to teach. After their session, I just review them quickly.
This way, we have time for family games, stories, shared
prayers, etc.
Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself. I am sure your son knows
he is the reason you are working so hard. It is actually for
working mothers that tutorial centers continue to thrive. Tutors
help parents conserve their time and energy for more quality
activities with their children. Most of the time, kids work
better with tutors than with us parents, anyway. With us moms,
they can make excuses not to study, but with a tutor, they know
business means business. Our personal goals for our children
also get in the way, sometimes. We can get frustrated and in the
end, make our children feel bad. With tutoring left in the hands
of professionals, we can better bond with our kids.
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